Thursday, June 11, 2015

Before You Love Me


Before you love me, please take your time to get to know me.

I want you to know how stubborn I am. I don't always follow the rules because I make them. Most often than not, I will contradict you. If you tell me to do one thing in a certain way, I will find another way to do it. 

I will push all your buttons just to know for sure that you love me. I will irate you in ways you can't even imagine and how you react to it, is how I know how much you love me. I will pick a fight with you just because. I will blame my hormones because I can and there is nothing you can do about it (except maybe bring me food and cuddle me and tell me how lovely I am). 

I'm a liar. I lie to get attention (especially when I'm threatened). But please know that I will also lie to surprise you from time to time. 

I am proud. I don't always say sorry. And even when I do, it's usually followed with things that are your fault, not mine. "I'm sorry but you really are a pain in the ass" -- That's how I usually apologize. But please know that you are my pain in the ass. When I do say I'm sorry, I mean it. When I apologize, I don't just say sorry for the things that I did, I'm also saying sorry for the ~stupid~ things that I'm gonna do in the future. When I say sorry, I say it because I mean it and I plan on not repeating my actions ever again. 

I am confident. I know my value and never will I ever compromise who I am for who you want me to be. I want you to know that if I say yes to you, I'm saying no to every other guy. Every other guy who's way more handsome, way more talented, and way more skillful than you are. Consider yourself lucky. (See, I told you I'm confident.) I've had my heart broken before and if you're gonna break my heart, please know that I will survive. I've done it before, it will be easier this time.

I will not change for you. The way I dress, the way I speak, the way I think, the way I socialize... I will not change the way I am for your sake. Unless it's for the better. And unless you do it for me, too. I won't ask you to do things I wouldn't do for you in return.

Before you love me, please know that I am difficult.

My walls are high as it is thick and I've never let anyone in since my heart got shattered into pieces. That experience was so traumatic that I haven't stop picking up bricks and piling them up into my imaginary wall. It's been a while since I've let anyone in and trust me when I say, it's gonna be a hard way in. This may seem un-feminist (is there such a word? lol) but I want a guy to come through for me.

Everyone needs someone to come through for them.

Before you love me, please know for sure that you really love me.


I want you to be sure that you love me, and only me. Please be sure that what you're feeling is love, not lust or infatuation. Please don't play with my feelings. When I love, I give my all. When I love, I'm in it for the long haul. I'm tired of playing games. I'm too old to just be playing the field. I just want something real. The kind of love that lasts, the kind of love that lingers even after years of being together... the kind of love that heals. I want the kind of love that will make sense to every sappy love song and every cheesy romantic movie there is. 


I want that. I want it all.

So before you love me, take your time to get to know me. And believe me when I say, I am worth it.

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