Monday, January 21, 2013

BC: Something You Feel Strongly About

At this moment, I feel strongly about Suicide. 

Last weekend was a shocking one. My Uncle's new maid (one week to be exact) committed suicide. Reason? Her husband told her he's leaving her (w/c later we found out it's a joke, WTF). More shocking news: She's pregnant! (See the tabloid news here.)

It happened last Saturday, January 19, 2013. The day after my birthday. The day my cousins and I were supposed to celebrate my 20th. I woke up to my cousin's voice, John, who apparently, was the last person the Maid talked to. I went out of my room to find a sea of people outside our house (Uncle's house was just right beside ours). A lot of media people were there too. GMA, ABS-CBN, DZMM, S.O.C.O. etc. Uncle Boy's daughter, Jem, is the one who saw the Maid hanged under the basement's ladder. The Maid hung herself (and her unborn child) to death using an electrical wire. Jem, whose mother died when she was young, saw the dead Maid. Young and terribly traumatized Jem.

The thing is, I despise suicide. I guess it's because I was raised to believe that it is a mortal sin. For me, people who commit suicide are coward. Coward AND stupid. Some people think they're noble and brave for ending their life on their own, well guess what? IT'S FCKING STUPID! 


I hate her. I know I should be all sad and pitiful but damn it I hate her and her family. I hate her for committing suicide. I hate her boyfriend for making a joke that caused her depression. I hate her for giving our whole family a traumatic experience. I'm not even close to her but the whole thing traumatized me in a way. Imagine, I slept in my parents' room last night! I hate her for committing suicide in Uncle's house. I hate her for burdening our family. 

I hate her family for making up stories and milking us money. WE'VE HELPED ENOUGH. And it's not our fcking fault she committed suicide. I hate her family for being too ungrateful and abusive and here's a message for them: LEAVE US THE FCK ALONE. Your family member already caused us enough trouble (emotionally, psychologically and financially). We've already helped enough. Actually, we've already helped A LOT. Our family isn't the kind that leaves people in need. We're pitiful but don't take us for fools. And stop making up stories just to milk us money. As I said, WE ARE NOT FOOLS. I heard my Mom talk to the maid's Aunt and they're demanding us for their fare (35k if I'm not mistaken. Like, wtf are they gonna ride, a jet?!) since they live in Samar and they wanna see the corpse. I mean COME ON PEOPLE! We've already paid for the funeral, the autopsy thingy, and pretty much everything else and to think that it's not even our fault and she hadn't been around with us for long (as I said, it's only been a week since she started working for Uncle). If they wanna see the corpse, find a way to see it. Don't rely on us on ALL the expense because it's not our fcking fault. We could have just leave the body at the funeral parlor but we are not that kind of people. We help, but don't abuse us. I hate how she ruined my supposed birthday celebration. I know it's immature and such but last Saturday was supposed to be fun. Not sad and terrifying. I hate her for ending her life and her unborn child's life. 

People who commit suicide are taking the easy way out. Problems come and go. Sure, it may take long to find the solution but THERE IS AND WILL ALWAYS BE A SOLUTION. And suicide is not one of it. It just causes more problems. She ended not just one life, but two. She left her family and her child (whose birthday is the same as mine). See, there's this thing called FAITH. If you believe in God's will and plans, if only she trusted God, if only she strengthened her faith in God, she could have still been alive today. 

Oh well, what's done is done. And I guess there's nothing left to do but to pray for her soul.

Friday, January 18, 2013

Book 2013: Page 18 of 365

Sooooooo it's JANUARY 18 (well, a few hours ago, that is haha)!! It's my special day!! And true enough, I feel super special! :"> Allow me to express my gratitude, my cheesiness and my sentiments here on a short blog post.

Thank you. I think that's the phrase I used the most today. Lol! Thank you, Facebook, for reminding everyone on my friend list that's it's my freakin' birthday hahahaha and thank you to everyone who took their sweet time to post silly photos on my wall/twitter for my birthday (hi, Crush! your photo really made my day!!!!) Thank you, to everyone who SMS-ed me at exactly 12am (shout out to Lea Adriano, who never fails to greet me at exactly 12midnight!!! I love you forever!) To those who tweeted me, who called, who made sure to greet me, THANK YOU! I can't put into words how special I feel from all your sweet greetings. 

Thank you, Smartway family, especially to Mam Reg, for this really reallyyyy huge Toblerone she gave me, that would prolly make my tonsils hurt for weeks again, but I don't care since it's my favorite. Thank you, in advance, for the birthday celebration on Monday. Hahaha, I feel excited already! 

Thank you Mom and Dad, for your never ending love even though I screw up a lot, you love me anyway, haha! To my siblings, my ate(s), haha I love you 2, hehehehe! To my younger sister Lizette, I love you even though you didn't let me borrow your tablet this morning even when it's my birthday, hahaha

Thank you, Lord, for never failing to always give me what I want, that turns out (surprisingly) to be what I need. I can't believe you trolled me last night!!! Hahahaha, that was such a good joke, Lord. I love you. Hahahaha! Your timing is and will always be amazing. Thank you for all the blessings you gave me/will be giving to me. YOU. ARE. THE. BEST! I'm a year older now, though, not exactly wiser. Living and breathing healthily for two decades now, thank you Lord. Thank You, thank You, thank You!!! 

Some people wait for New Year to change, but I don't. I wait for my birthday. I think it's the most legit time to change, what with the added year to our life etc. Hahaha

THANKS AGAIN, EVERYONE! I LOVE YOU ALL!! 

xx, Lui!

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

BC: Five Ways to Win Your Heart


1. LONG, HANDWRITTEN LOVE LETTERS. 

For a nineteen year old girl (hitting the two-zero mark in less than a day, yay!), I think I have an old soul. I love old things and old ways. This is a sure thing to win my heart. With the technology we have, words are too easy to say. Hello, Smartphones, Facebook, Twitter, BBM etc. Gone are the days when we use to wait anxiously for the mailman to come and have our letters delivered. Gone are the days when guys take their sweet time to write what they truly feel. Nowadays, you can say I love you (and may or may not mean it) to someone in less than a minute, taking into account on how fast your network is, the way you type and your wireless fidelity. You just pick up the phone or go online and just say it. It's easy-ness (can't think of any other word, sorry!) makes it so hard to know if it's real or not. I hate to admit this but these days, people (guys in particular), are getting less creative and too hasty. They want everything quick and short, to the point that what they say, lacks substance and sincerity. With letters, you'll know how genuine a guy's feelings are for you. By the way they write, the way they use words (TIP FOR GUYS: good grammar gets points too!), the way they describe how they feel about you... I love that. Now I really do feel like I have an old soul. Lol. I'm a keeper, in the most literal sense of the word. I keep things to remind me that when I get old, those things happened. A proof, an evidence. I kept everything, from movie tickets, to bottle caps to wrappers.. I keep it. But what I love to keep are letters. Letters that are written out of love, out of passion. Letters that gets old and wrinkled but still takes me back and makes me feel like it's the first time I read it. Letters. It really is a sure-fire way to win my heart.

2. GO FOR IT, BUT KEEP YOUR COOL.

In my dating world, though I have an old soul, I like it when guys just go for it. Guys don't know this but girls love it when guys are confident with how they feel. I mean, if I show you any sign that I like you, go for it. No need to ask for permission if you need to court me, just do it. The last thing I want is to answer a question that I know for sure I'll regret either way I answer it. If you want me, just show it. Take a risk. It actually is pretty easy to win a girl's heart. Though some may prefer the old courting style, most girls don't want to get through the hassle of making decisions on whether to give you a chance or not. Just do it, but don't be too overconfident either. Keep your cool. Chances are, if you show us you like us, you might just get lucky. In a girl's world, when someone likes us back, a part of us likes them too for liking us. 

3. PRAISES AND PRIDE.

I love guys who can take pride in having me as their better half. That's the type of guy I'd take home to Daddy (that sounds so wrong hahaha!). That's the type of guy I'd be proud to have. And guys who shower their woman with praises (even though some are just fake), I love them. As cliche as this may sound, yes. Girls fall for what they hear, and guys fall for what they see. It's human nature. Everyone loves to be praised for what they are and what they did/achieved but I think girls love it the most (even though we would prolly just shrug it off 90% of the time and say, "Oh stop it, you're just being nice"). Usually, the only time guys praise their girl is when they wanna make out. They sweet-talk their way to persuading a girl to make out with them, and guess what? IT WORKS. Well, most of the time anyways. You can't sweet-talk your way to an angry woman. EVER. And don't even try it, it'll just piss us more. The point is, guys, please praise your woman because you mean it and because you feel like it. Not just when you need something. 

4. ADVENTUROUS AND A BORN PLANNER

For a girl, I can be too adventurous sometimes. Alone or with friends, I ALWAYS wanna try something new. And I love guys who plan dates. Most guys leave it to the girls on what they wanna do on a date and I hate that. All the more, when they ask us to make plans and disagrees with it. Gaaahh. Too stressful. In the end, you always do the same things and eat at the same resto and I don't like that. I don't want routine. I'm spontaneous. I'm always up for challenges and new adventures and it really is amazing when guys plan them for you. I love it. I don't mind hanging out, drinking beer watching basketball eating pizza all day, because in the end, what matters most is that I'm with the guy I love. Although I love surprises too. Hihi. MOST GIRLS WANT THAT! The sweet kind okay, not the nerve-wracking kind. 

5. FOOD.

Lol, this one's on a totally different note. Haha! A lot of people get surprised by how much food I consume daily and they all look at me like "FOR REAL? THEN HOW DO YOU STAY SO SKINNY?" Yep, I am one of those lucky few who eats a lot but NEVER gets fat. I don't know why but I think food gave up on me. Haha, and if I get fat, it all comes down to my thighs and ass, giving me that bodacious effect (though my skinny arms always gives my skinny-ness away) I love it when guys give me food. Not the chocolates but I'd appreciate it more if you'd give me a big mac, (with large fries and rootbeer). Or pizza. One whole box of pizza. Or if you really wanna win my heart, give me something spicy. I love spicy foods. Great, now I'm starving. I just love food sooooooo much. 

(P.S. Photo's not mine, got it from Google mehehe)

xx, Lui! 

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Blog Challenge


Been doing a lot of 'challenges' lately and I think my blog needs one, too. Haha! Currently doing the Goodreads: Reading Challenge (50 books this year!!!) and Project 365 (photo a day challenge. Check out my photo blog here) and I stumbled upon this on Google (credits to whoever made this! lol). And I thought, hey, why not? I think my blog needs this. Aside from the backlogs I have (still haven't done NYE2013, last days of Viet Nam tour and Fontana post. Boooo!) , yes, I am more than willing to do this. Will start this tomorrow! Hahaha! 

Oh and btw, I might not do this in order. And prolly not in 30 consecutive days. Depends on my laziness level, haha! Wish me luck! :) 

xx, Lui! 

Monday, January 7, 2013

FW: Stop Think.

(01/23/2012)

Setting: Starbucks, Katipunan, around 10 in the evening.


As soon as I got out of Chelsea's car that night, someone texted me to meet up. Luke. I knew it. I was actually ignoring him the whole time we were at the party. He made a few attempts to talk to me but as usual, I dodged him. Things are just so awkward between us. I still don't know how to act around him nor talk to him after everything that had happened. I still can't. When things are awkward, I tend to be a snobby bitch and that's exactly what Luke saw in me that night. A cold, snobby, bitter bitch.


When I got to Anonas, I got a text from him. "I tried to talk to you, but you just ignored me. Maybe you've moved on. I just wish I could talk to you. I miss you." Okay, a part of me was expecting that. The thing with guys, is that, they tend to miss you in the long run, after they hurt you. Give it, like, a few weeks of snobbing them and making them feel like their not worth your time, they'll come bouncing back when they figured you've moved on. I was moving on. And he can clearly see that. Part of me wants to welcome him again, open arms, and just forget that I got hurt.


But I can't. 


With everything that has happened, I can't change the way I feel about him. Bitterness aside, I know I can't just simply forget how he broke me. Sure, I cried for 2 whole weeks but, I've been better. I figured, with every breath I take, I know I can do things without him in my life anymore. And now he's coming back. 


And all those feelings, all those emotions I've kept hidden seemed to come out in the open when we talked. Face to face, eye to eye. When we met up, everything came back to me, like I suddenly woke up from this nightmare I've been living in. I just wanna hug him and kiss him and feel his touch again. 


But I can't.


I agreed to meet up with him at Starbucks, Katipunan. The place where it all started. The place where it prolly will end. When he showed up, I tried my very best not to show any sign of emotion. In all fairness, I recall not knowing what to feel that time. I feel happy, I feel hurt. I'm on the edge.


When he talked and explained things, I know how sincere he was and I know how he got hurt too, but I don't know how to feel. He cried, and I just sat there, staring at him. Wondering if all this is all true. I pinched myself. It is. And it's really happening, right before my very eyes. I don't know how to feel. I loved him. Erase that, I love him. I still do. He wants everything back again, the way we were before. The Sam he loved. The girl who'd do everything just to keep him. The girl who'd take him back after all the love and in-between bullshits he had put me through. The girl who's so in love that couldn't look pass the faults and flaws of the relationship. He wants me back. The old me.

But I can't be that girl. I could be, but not right now. 


I'm guarded now. I know better not to trust anyone, not even myself to fall in love. I know, that, if I fall for him again, for the nth time, I know I'll give it all again. No holds barred. And the moment I let my guard down, I'm giving him the chance to hurt me all over again. He wants to take a major risk on getting us to the way we were before and I know I do too. 


I just can't do it after all the pain I've been through. 


I want to take a risk too but I don't know if I'll survive the next time he hurts me.  Man, I just wish he never came back. Either that, or that he never should have broke my heart. They say pain makes people change. True that. But I think love can make people come back and be who they were before. For love is the only thing constant when everything else changes.

We still need time. I, still need time. Time to heal. To forget the hurt I feel. 


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(Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.)

Sunday, January 6, 2013

On Stargirl


I just finished reading Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli and just like most of the books I read, yes, it is my current favorite. The story was just so awesome.. okay, at first I admit, I hated Stargirl. I mean come on, who sings and cheers over the mundane-st (is there such a word? lol) things?! And seriously, who brings a ukulele to school!? She's too cheerful and bubbly all the time. 

But then I remembered, hey, this is fiction. Anything can happen. And boy, oh boy, I cried buckets when I finished the book (lol don't I always)! It was THAT awesome! 

If there are three things I learned from the book it's this:
  • You can't please everybody. Yes, Stargirl, YOU CAN'T. And that is OKAY. Besides, God didn't create us and became this awesome just to have everyone's approval. That's just exhausting, living up to everyone's expectations. I bet you all my savings and future paycheck that those who are trying to please everybody, are not exactly happy with their lives. I mean sure, they have everyone's approval, everybody loves them, etc etc etc, but are they really happy!? No. They just think they are but deep down, they know, they're sure of it, that it's not what they truly want. You don't sacrifice your happiness just for their sake. Selfish as it is, but that's the truth. Can you really make everyone happy and forget about your own happiness? 
  • You don't give up on the people you love, no matter what. No matter how goofy or weird he/she is, you don't give him/her up if you love him/her. (wow that's just a mouthful haha! sorry!) No matter how embarrassing he/she seems to other people, you don't give him/her up. I mean, you gotta admit, it's the little quirks he/she has that made you fall, right? Just like Leo to Stargirl, he seemed amazed at what she's truly passionate about. Sure, she may seem like a stalker of some sort but what the hell, that's what makes her Stargirl. That's what makes her who she is. And to be honest, I 'sort of' hate Leo for 'sort of' giving up on Stargirl. He just let her go, like that. And in the end, he just kept on wondering "what if". In line with this,
  • You don't change the person you love. Ever. Well, in this case, Stargirl changed at her own will. It's kind of sad when she went from the goofy, bubbly Stargirl to the overly confident Susan Caraway. And again, I 'sort of' (I kept saying "sort of" because Leo kept saying it at a certain part of the book) hate Leo for letting her, for even being super proud of her sudden transformation. For making Stargirl disappear for a while. He actually anticipated this transformation. He mentioned how much he wanted Stargirl to be like them (his friends, classmates whatevs) and for them to be a little bit more like Stargirl. I wish the latter happened. Not the other way around. If there's one thing I learned in life, it's this: Change for no one but yourself. If you think it's what you want or if it's for the better, then, go ahead. Change. But if it's just to impress some dude, don't. Just don't. You're amazing just the way you are and if some guy can't accept you for who you are, then it's his loss not yours. You just have to find the right person who can and will love you despite your flaws and quirks. 
xx, Lui! 

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

First.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

So this is my first post for 2013: SORRY FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO UPDATE THIS BLOG.

My laptop's being a bitch and I cannot log in to my Twitter and Blogger account. Thank God for TweetDeck, I found another way to log in to my Twitter account. 

Boohoo. I'm currently at the office and I just had to squeeze in this blog post. 

Anyhoo, to keep you guys (slightly) updated, I decided to do Project 365 on my Jux account. Follow my photo blog here guys! Plus, I also decided to do the Reading Challenge on Goodreads! 50 books this year, let's see if I can do that! 

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Oh for heaven's sake, follow my Instagram account too! Hahahaha! 

I'll be back real soon guys! I promise to update this blog as soon as my laptop's fixed! Ciao!

xx, Lui!